"You Can't Do This"

"The true measure of strength is based on who you lift up, not who you beat down." Harris

The quest to be strong and healthy— physically, mentally— presents a different path for all of us, no matter where we’re starting from. For me, that quest has included therapeutic nutrition, therapy and coaching at Excelsior, support from others, and diverse education.

One of the things I’ve enjoyed learning is self-defense— the type that is research-informed, non-violent, and based on principles of Jiu Jitsu. The emphasis is on leverage, timing, and energy efficiency instead of force, athleticism, or invincibility. For women participants, it’s about awareness and options, prerequisites for safe effective movement, and learning to feel more at home in one’s own skin.

Last weekend, we were privileged to have some of our skills assessed for an upcoming combatives test. And in typical 'imposter syndrome' style, my mind chose that moment to flash back to how weak I’ve felt in my past. “YOU CAN’T DO THIS” was the unsolicited thought which hijacked my attention and begged a response. Our evaluator called for the first skill. The weight of my opponent now bore down on my ribs. It was my move.

My mind's response to the intrusive thought was not one of heroic boss-woman confidence. In fact, I didn't think; I just did what I'd learned: pin the arm, trap the leg, bridge and roll, control the punches, get out. And with that, the first skill was complete. Then the next. And so on. Feet on the mat, sweat on brow, breath in living lungs. Imperfect, but present.

Within a couple hours, what I thought might not be possible had been accomplished. And it reminded me: who cares if we don’t learn fast, if we’re still digging out from a set-back, if we’re not yet where we want to be. We show up, do what we can, learn, then begin again. Thank you to everyone who has helped me keep going: @opexlancasterfitness @jiujitsuone @josiahswarr @kenkenplatter @gracieuniversityhq @womenempoweredgjj @loneoaktherapeutic @gjj_pville , colleagues, clients, patients, friends, family, community.

Love & Leverage,
Ellie